A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.

When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess. The husband says, “I will love you no matter what it is, tell me.”

So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.

The husband says, “I can deal with that.”

He takes off her shirt and shouts, “Boy! you are small, but I love you nyway.”

The husband says, “I have something to confess also.”

She says, “No matter what I will still love you.”

He says, “Okay.I am built like a baby down there.”

She says, “I can deal with that.”

So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up.

She says, “I thought you said you were built like a baby?”

He says, “Yeah….7lbs, 21inches.”

A man went over to his girl’s place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom — gold, silver, or bronze.

“Silver,” she said.

“Why not gold?”

“Because I want you to come second for once!”

Circular Logic
Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison…’”

Eric Santos
Atlanta, GA

Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?

Because the sun was out!

“Gerhard Reinke’s
INTERNATIONAL GUIDE TO IMPORTANT QUESTIONS NOT TO ASK*

IRELAND
?Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it??

FRANCE
?Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren?t the French just Germans who can make sauces??

ITALY
?Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ?

POLAND
?Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs??

GERMANY
?Is this bratwurst kosher??

TURKEY
?Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to slaughter Kurds though, right??

KOREA
?Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him??

CHINA
?This wall isn?t so great.?

ENGLAND
?Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick??

SWEDEN
?Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke??

YEMEN
?Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean ?Land Of Fanatics And Desert???

INDIA
?You don?t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here??

ETHIOPIA
?After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey ? those flies sure love your newborn!?

CANADA
?You?re like Americans without money.?

SPAIN
’so, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos??

SOUTH AFRICA
?I liked it better the other way.?

MEXICO
?Cancun is nice, but the rest of this third world country sucks!?

SAUDI ARABIA
?Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what??

RUSSIA
?Is it always this cold and economically devastated??

UZBEKISTAN
?Can you spell Uzbekistan??

GREECE
?I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy. Anyone ever tell you that you resemble a Turk??

AFGHANISTAN
’seriously, where is the real country? where is everything??

JAPAN
?What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi??

AUSTRALIA
?How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure??

AMERICA
?You mean, you?re all not loud, stupid, and fat??

*These questions should not be shouted in English.

Check out Gerhard Reinke’s WANDERLUST, Saturdays @ 11:30 PM 9 C on Comedy Central. “

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel
9. People never refer to you as “The crazy one in the family”
8. On weekends, you get to bring home weapons of mass destruction
7. Don’t want to clean your room? Threaten to tell the United States dad’s exact location
6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you’ll be torturing the Iraqi people
5. Unique chance to observe a tyrannical madman up close
4. Big inheritance when U.S. troops finally kill your stepfather
3. Father-son bonding over 3am prank calls to U.N. weapons inspectors
2. You can get first pick of the police auction’s seized and repossessed camels
1. Get to call Bin Laden “Uncle Osama”

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders.

Why do people in vermont were kilts?

Sheep can hear zippers from a mile away.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place!