A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.
“I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
“Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to believe in!”
How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
A woman visits her accountant to file her taxes. He asks her, “What’s your occupation?”
The woman says, “I’m a hooker.”
The accountant balks and says, “Oh, that’s too crass. Let’s try to rephrase it.”
“How about ‘prostitute’” the woman suggests.
“That’s still too crude,” he says.
They both think for a minute, then the woman blurts out, “Let’s say I’m a chicken farmer.”
“What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?” the accountant asks incredulously.
The woman answers, “I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
Mike Boggs
Scotland, PA
What’s the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac, and a sorority sister?
The hooker says, ”Are you done already?”
The nympho says, ”Oh no! You’re not done already!?”
The sorority sister says, ”Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
Little Johnny returned home from school, informing his father that he received an F in arithmetic and a stern spanking.
“What happened?” asked the father.
“Well,” little Johnny said, “the teacher asked ‘How much is two times three?’ and I said ‘six.’”
“But that’s right!” said the father.
“Then,” said little Johnny, “she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asked the father.
“That’s what I said!”
Alex J.
Atlanta, GA
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!
This is crazy. A street dancer knocks over a child that gets in his way. I’ve watched this at least 20 times and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.