Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought “Dunkin’ Donuts” was a basketball team.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

Gifted!

One day Bob and Bubba went fishing. They were catching a lot of fish so they wanted to figure out how to remember this part if the lake.

Bob said, ”I know. I can spit in the water!”

But Bubba said, ” No! How will we know it’s your spit?”

They thought and thought and finally Bob said, ” I know. We can draw an ‘X’ right here on the side of the boat!”

But Bubba said ”No, no, Bob. That won’t work! How will we know that we get the same boat next time?”

What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ”I’m going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.”

The woman replied, ”Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?”

The man replied, ”No, I’m turning the heat off.”

Yo mama is so fat, she broke wind at a cookout and started a forest fire.

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

“Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, “there’s good news & bad news.”

“Oh, no,” muttered the President, “Well, let me have the bad news first.”

“The bad news, sir, is that we’ve been invaded by creatures from another planet.”

“Gosh, and the good news?”

“The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil.”

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn”t eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn”t sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks; and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.

So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn”t eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!

Yo mama is so bald that she has to use rice for rollers.

Pirate Booty
Four men go golfing one day. Three of them head to the first tee, and the fourth goes to take a leak. The three men start talking about their sons. The first man says, “My son is a homebuilder. He’s so successful he built a house for his friend, free of charge.”

The second man says, “My son owns a big car dealership. He’s doing so well that he gave his friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.”

Not to be outdone, the third man brags, “My son’s a stockbroker. He gave a close buddy an entire portfolio.”

The fourth man rejoins the group, and the first man says, “How’s your son doing these days?”

“Well, my son is gay, and he go-go dances in bars,” the guy replies.

There’s an awkward silence. “I’m not thrilled about his job,” the guy continues, “but he must be doing well. He’s got new a house, a Mercedes, and an impressive stock portfolio.”

Robert Carley
Palmer, AK