Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants?

So they don’t have to pay the flat tax.

An old lady’s husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast.

That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.

Person 1: Knock, Knock

Person 2: Who’s there?

Person 1: Cows go.

Person 2: Cows go who?

Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!

A doctor tells his patient, “I have bad news and worse news. First, you have cancer.”

The patient says, “That’s terrible! What could be worse than that?”

The doctor replies, “You have Alzheimers.”

The patient says, “That’s horrible! Well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

Jimmy
California

There were five blondes and one brunette holding onto a rope off the edge of a cliff.

But their rope could only bear the weight of of five people.

The brunette said, “Save yourselves. I’ll let go.”

Impressed by her sacrifice, all of the blondes clapped…

A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary raises her hand first and says, “My dad’s a lawyer for the government. He puts the bad guys in jail.”

Little Jack goes next: “My dad’s a doctor. He makes sick people better.”

All the kids in the class take their turn except Little Walter.

The teacher asks him, “What does your dad do?”

Walter replies, “My dad’s dead.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?”

“He turned blue and shit on the living room carpet.”

Donald McMahon
Olympia, WA

Yo Mama is so poor, she told your little siser that Santa Claus was dead.

This is pretty funny. Google has a new feature where you can actually get a street view on their maps. Someone with way too much time on their hands found this picture of what appears to be a guy taking a piss on the side of the road. Too funny.

Click here and then zoom intowards the speed limit sign.

Here are some sunbathers too.

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?”

The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn’t it?”

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, dude. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.