What do you call nine blondes in the ocean?

An air pocket.

Why do Iraqis only have 2 pallbearers at their funerals?
Becasue garbage cans only have 2 handles.

You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after sex.

Yo’ mama so fat, she wears a polka dot dress and people play twister!

Q: How do you define “making love”?

A: It’s what a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

Lou Treadwell
via e-mail

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”
—Tad Lipschultz

A WOMAN’S GUIDE
WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING
WHILE SHOPPING:

YES, THAT ONE’S NICE.
Why do you ask when you aren’t going to listen anyway?

THAT ONE LOOKS GREAT ON YOU.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

I LIKE THAT ONE BETTER.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

UH-HUH.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

Zzzzz Zzz Zzz Zzzzz . . . . . . . .
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

I DON’T THINK THAT BLOUSE AND THAT SKIRT GO WELL TOGETHER.
I’m gay

IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT.
I’m really stupid!

Yo mama’s so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a rap CD for cats.

Polish Joke

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the bartender pours it, the guy says, “I just heard the funniest Polish joke! You’ve gotta hear it.”

The bartender leans over the bar and growls, “Buddy, I’m Polish. You see the two big bouncers over there? They’re the Kowalski brothers. Do you still want to tell that Polish joke?”

“Nah,” says the guy. “I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

Every day two blonde women would come out of work together and look for their car. But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all the cars were gone and then they would get in the last car and go home. One blonde said to the other, ”We need to find a faster way to get home.” So the next day they went to work on a camel. After work they came out and the parking lot was full of camels. So the first blonde went around lifting up the tails of all the camels. The second blonde said, ”What are you doing?” The first blonde said, ”When we came in today I heard someone yell “‘Look at those two assholes on that camel!!’”