What do you call nine blondes in the ocean?

An air pocket.

Why do Iraqis only have 2 pallbearers at their funerals?
Becasue garbage cans only have 2 handles.

You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after sex.

Yo’ mama so fat, she wears a polka dot dress and people play twister!

Yo mama is so dumb that she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

Q: How do you define “making love”?

A: It’s what a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

Lou Treadwell
via e-mail

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”
—Tad Lipschultz

You are so small that when it rains, you are the last to know.

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality was that he had three balls. He thought it to be a reproductive abnormality so he wanted to consult a doctor. But he was a little hesitant to present his situation to the doctor. So he tried to explain it to him indirectly. He said, ”Doctor ,if you combine your and my balls, then the result will be five!” The doctor was amazed to hear that. He stood up and asked the patient, ”You poor guy, have you got only one?”

A WOMAN’S GUIDE
WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING
WHILE SHOPPING:

YES, THAT ONE’S NICE.
Why do you ask when you aren’t going to listen anyway?

THAT ONE LOOKS GREAT ON YOU.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

I LIKE THAT ONE BETTER.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

UH-HUH.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

Zzzzz Zzz Zzz Zzzzz . . . . . . . .
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

I DON’T THINK THAT BLOUSE AND THAT SKIRT GO WELL TOGETHER.
I’m gay

IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT.
I’m really stupid!