Archive for August, 2007

Two first-year engineering stu

Two first-year engineering students—both blondes—are asked to measure the height of the college flagpole. They go outside to inspect the challenge, but are unable to come up with a way to do it.

A couple of minutes later, a senior student walks up and asks what they are looking at. They explain their task and ask for help.

“Easy” says the senior. He takes the flagpole down, pulls out a tape measure and tells them, “It’s 30 feet long.”

One of the blondes crosses her arms in disgust. “We need the height, dumbass, not the length!”

Mark
Vinton, VA

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Christmas Bonus

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

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Parking Meter

You’re so dumb yo put a quater in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

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Designated Hitter…

Designated Hitter
A couple are in bed talking, and the boyfriend decides to make a joke. He says, “Just think, if your breasts could give milk, we could get rid of all the cows. And if your vagina could lay eggs, we could get rid of all the chickens.”

“Oh, yeah?” she replies. “Well, if you could get it up, we’d be able to fire the pool guy.”

Jose Fraga
Frackville, PA

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Moon Talking

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” statement but followed it up with several remarks to the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

Armstrong explained, “When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball that landed in the front of his neighbor’s bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

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Men Don’t Like Safe Sex

What is a man’s idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

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Cletus’s Christmas

You might be a redneck if you give Santa three pickled eggs and a cold one instead of cookies and milk.

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Two Blonde Jokes and Nubile Cleavage

Want to hear two blonde jokes?

Listen to Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake.

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The Blonde and the Jumper

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”

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Yo Mama’s So Fat… can’t

Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.

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