Yo’ mama so fat, when she puts on BVD’s it spells out boulevard!

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, ”To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”

The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, ”Sorry, I can’t do it.”

The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out. ”Sorry, I can’t.” he says.

The last man enters the office and the inverviewer said yet again explains the test.’ The man takes the gun and goes into the room. The Agent hears 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.

The man comes out of the room and says, ”Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!”

America has finally captured Saddam Hussein!

They sprayed a field with Viagra, and the prick stood up!

Yo family is so poor that when I went inside your house I accidentally stepped on a roach and your whole family came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, thank the Lord that we got meat!”

A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced Cappuccino.

”Do you want it hot or cold?”

You might be a redneck if your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand!

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, “This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it.”

The librarian says to the other librarian, “So here is the person who took our phone book!”

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with anotherwoman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband downthe stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured ittightly and removed the handle. Next, she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to cut it offare you?”

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, gave the hacksaw to him and said,“Nope. You are…I’m only going to set the garage on fire.”

Bill Clinton trips and falls over a bridge railing while jogging one morning. Before the Secret Service guys can get to him, three kids who are fishing pull him out of the water below. He’s so grateful, he offers the kids whatever they want.

The first kid shouts, “I want to go to Disneyland with my friends!” and Bill replies, “No problem. I’ll take you on Air Force One.”

The second kid says, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans,” to which Bill says, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The third kid says, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!”

Clinton, looking perplexed, utters: “But, son, you don’t look like you’re handicapped.”

The kid answers, “I will be once my dad finds out I saved your sorry ass from drowning.”

-Rod Jennings, Carthage, TN

Two first-year engineering students—both blondes—are asked to measure the height of the college flagpole. They go outside to inspect the challenge, but are unable to come up with a way to do it.

A couple of minutes later, a senior student walks up and asks what they are looking at. They explain their task and ask for help.

“Easy” says the senior. He takes the flagpole down, pulls out a tape measure and tells them, “It’s 30 feet long.”

One of the blondes crosses her arms in disgust. “We need the height, dumbass, not the length!”

Mark
Vinton, VA