Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

She heard the drinks were on the house.

A woman goes over to her married son’s house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law said, “What the hell are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven’t made love in a while, so I wore it.” So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.”
She goes home and her husband wasn’t home yet, so she undressed. Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband’s car. He walks in the front door and says, “What the fuck are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” says the wife. “Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. So one day she goes out to the mall and buys a gun. After that she goes to her boyfriend’s house. She busts down the door and points the gun at her head.

“What are you doing?” says her boyfriend.

“Shut up! You’re next!”

Giving Is Receiving
A wife arrives home after a business trip and finds her husband in bed with a gorgeous coed. Just as the wife is about to storm out of the house, the husband says, “Before you leave you should know exactly how this came about. This afternoon Julie here rang our doorbell and asked for clothing donations for a charity. I gave her those shoes you no longer wear. I rummaged around and found that birthday sweater you hate and all the suits you claim don’t fit you anymore. So I donated them too. Then she asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?’ So, here we are.”

Nikki Cahill
Denver, CO

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, ?Boy he could use some head and shoulders.?

The blonde says, ?Hm. How do you give shoulders??

Union dues

A union boss at a convention in Las Vegas decides to visit a local brothel. He asks the madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No, I’m sorry, it isn’t," she says.

"Well, if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."

Mighty offended by such unfair dealings, the man stomps off in search of a more equitable shop.

Finally, he reaches a brothel where the madam says, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That’s more like it!" the man says. He looks around the room and points to a gorgeous young redhead. "I’d like her for the night."

"I’m sure you would, sir, but…" says the madam, gesturing at a 70-year-old woman in the corner, "Ethel here has seniority."

Four blondes are driving in a minivan when it goes over a cliff. The tragedy is, the minivan could’ve held eight blondes.

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?”

The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”

The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied,

“Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.” The last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.”

The mother replied, “Shut up, Fridge.”

There is no truth to the rumor that the Florida Orange Growers have offered O.J. Simpson $3 million to change his name to Snapple….