Why do homosexuals like Cheney And Dubya?

Cause gay men like Dick and lesbians love Bush.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?

All you can eat for under a buck.

What did the father buffalo say to the son buffalo when he left for school?

Bison!

How do you compliment a donkey?

”Hey, nice ass!”

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.

He says, “Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?”

Jenna replies, “No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!”

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?”

Confused, the bartender says no.

”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?”

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and orders a cheeseburger.

“But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove.” The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.

“Waiter!” the hippie says after a little bit. “Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove.” More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates pissing in the tea, but doesn”t.

“Waiter!” the hippies says a little later. “Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove.”

“Wait,” said the waiter. “I have another idea. How ”bout you kiss my ass? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove.”

Yo mama’s so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes.

A man is standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter addresses him: “All you need to have done is one good deed, and we will allow you passage into heaven”

The man says, “No problem,” as he recounts to St. Peter that he once stopped at an intersection and saw a motorcycle gang harassing a young woman. He got out of his car, walked up to one of the bikers—who was over seven feet tall and must have weighed nearly 400 pounds—and told the biker that abusing and harassing a woman is a cowardly act and that he would not tolerate it in his presence. He then reached up, yanked out his nose ring and kicked him in the balls to make a point.

St. Peter is frantically searching the man’s life in his book in front of him and says, “I can’t find that incident anywhere in your file…when did that happen?”

The man looks down at his watch and says, “Oh, about five minutes ago.”

Ed
Chicago, IL

Hey, did ya hear about the John Bobbitt doorbell?
It has a ding but no dong!