This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices that his eyes are bulging and his ears are protruding. He becomes very concerned. So he goes to his doctor and asks him what is wrong with him. The doctor told him that he has a rare disease that will require him to take this medication for several months to clear up the disease, however the medication will make his hair fall out permanently.

Several months later the guy’s eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding - more so now that his hair is gone. So this time he goes to a different doctor who informs him that he has a prostate problem and that they will have to remove his testicles. So the guy has the surgery only to find out months later, his eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding.

Determined to find out what is wrong with him he goes to another doctor who tells him that the nerves in his hands are pinching the nerve endings in his ears and his eyes and the only way to resolve the problem is to have his hands amputated. Sadly, the guy lets his hands be amputated.

On a follow-up visit to this doctor the doctor informs him that while they were doing the surgery on his hands, they found that the man has a terminal cancer and that he only has months to live. The guy is hysterical at this point and resolves that if he only has months to live he is going to live it up. So he goes out to buy a brand new sports car, new furniture, and a new wardrobe. However, when he went to order some custom shirts, the tailor told him he took a 17-inch neck.

“No, I’ve always taken a 15-inch neck.”

“But sir, you have a 17-inch neck.”

“Listen - I’m 45 years old, and for the past 30 years I’ve taken a 15-inch neck.”

“Okay, I’ll do it. But you do know what happens when the neck is too small?”

“What?”

“It makes your eyes bulge and your ears protrude.”

What do you call 24 blondes in a box?

A case of empties!

Q: Why does the Easter

Blonde Bombshell

Q: What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell—she’s got a grenade in her mouth.
—Jo Sunderling, Quebec, Canada

There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “frog with four feet, jumps four feet.”

So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, “frog with three feet, jumps three feet.”

So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook “frog with two feet, jumps two feet.”

The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “frog with one foot, jumps one foot.”

So the scientist cut off his last leg.

“He said, “Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!”

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “Frog with no feet, goes deaf.”

Q: What county in Ireland hates “South Park?”

A: Killkenny.

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
“I do have three hearts,” said the doctor. “The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It’s $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It’s $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It’s $500,000.”
“Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!”
“Yes, but it’s from a laywer. It’s never been used.”

David Copperfield is doing his Vegas show and asks if anyone in the audience would like to show him a trick.

“I will,” yells a guy, “but I need your gorgeous assistant and a table.”

David agrees, and the guy walks up onstage, bends the hottie over the table, pulls her pants down, and starts humping her from behind.

Copperfield screams, “Hey, that isn’t a trick!”

The guys says, “I know. It’s fucking magic!”

Yo mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

20) With chocolate size doesn’t matter; it’s always good.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
14) Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
13) With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.
12) You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your coworkers.
9) The word ”commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.
6) You can have chocolate in front of your mother.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
2) ”If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
1) You can get chocolate.