A man walks up to his house and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance without answering. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asks again.

The old man slowly looks at him and says, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.”

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.

The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.

It was her husband. He says, “How’s the new cell phone?”

She replied, “Great…but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?”

What do you call a man without a brain?
Single or widowed!!

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There’s a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?

The horse’s name is Friday!

Yo’ mama so fat, she got shocks on her toilet!

Yo Mamma’s so fat she plays hopscotch like this: Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Detroit, Los Angelos, Seattle, Las Vegas…

What happens when you put the Energizer Bunny batteries in backward?
He keeps coming and coming and coming…

Dog Formerly Known as Spot
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn’t matter—he won’t come.

J.F. O’Mill
Mercer, PA

Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t fit through the door of an Internet chat room!