1) Wine her.
2) Dine her.
3) Call her.
4) Hug her.
5) Hold her.
6) Surprise her.
7) Compliment her.
Smile at her.
9) Laugh with her.
10) Cry with her
11) Cuddle with her.
12) Shop with her.
13) Give her jewelry.
14) Buy her flowers.
15) Hold her hand.
16) Write love letters to her.
17) Write poetry for her.
18) Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.
How to Impress a Man:
1) Show up naked.
2) Bring beer.
Three generations of hookers are sitting around talking when the daughter says, “you know I got really pissed off today when a guy only gave me $50 for giving him a blowjob.”
The mother seys “$50? Back in the 1950’s we were happy to get $20”
And the grandmother says “Twenty dollars? Ha! back in the 1930’s we where just happy to have something warm in our stomachs.”.
The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl.
After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He said, “Shree Hill.”
Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He also said, “Shree Hill.”
Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been. And he said, “On top of Shree Hill.”
Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, “Who are you?”
And she said, “Shree Hill.”
Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, “What’s that Mommy?”
A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, “Where is your sponge mommy?”
Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says okay, and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother’s sponge. “What do you mean you found my sponge? Where?”
“The lady next door has it and she’s washing Daddy’s face with it!”
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, “I sure would like to go to Disneyland.” George said, “No problem. I’ll take you there on Air Force One.”
The second kid said, “I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan’s.” George said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”
The third kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!” George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, “But you don’t look like you are injured.”
The kid says, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!”
What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
They have both been laid all over America.
A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, “I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say ‘one, two, three’ and you’ll get the largest erection you’ve ever had. After your wife’s been satisfied, simply say ‘one, two, three, four’ and it will disappear for 12 months.”
Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, “Watch this! One, two, three!” His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.
His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, “That’s great! But what did you say ‘one, two, three’ for?”
Anne Boutelle
Worcester, MA
What do blonde women put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles.
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ”Mommy, I have to piss.”
The mother said, ”Son don’t say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, ‘whisper’ because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ”Daddy I have to whisper.”
The father said, ”OK. Here, whisper in my ear.”