A pregnant woman walked into a doctor’s office to have an ultrasound. After finding out the baby was going to be a girl, the doctor asked the mother what she planned on naming her child.

“Shenequa,” she replied.

“Do you have any other children?” he continued.

“Five other daughters, all named Shenequa,” she said.

A little confused, the doctor asked, “How do you call them all home for dinner?”

“That’s easy I just yell, ‘Shenequa, supper!’ and they all come home,” she responds.

“What if you’re going somewhere?” the doctor then asks.

“That’s easy too,” she says, “I just say ‘Shenequa lets go!’ and they all come running.”

“What if you only want to speak with one of them?” the doctor asks.

“Well then I just call them by their last name.”

Avi Golden

Yo moma’s so fat, she was baptised in sea world.

You might be a redneck if you’re late for your wedding because you were at a monster truck rally.

Yo mama is so dumb that she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

Father Mike is hearing confessions one day when he gets the urge to take a leak. He motions the janitor over.

“Hey, Bob,” he says. “Take over. If someone comes in, just check the list on the wall and give ’em their penance.”

Bob wearily agrees, and no sooner does he take over than a woman enters the booth and blurts out, “Father, I can’t stop giving anal sex to strangers.”

Bob frantically checks the list but can’t find anything about anal sex. He peeks through the curtain and sees an altar boy lighting candles.

“Psst! Altar boy!” Bob calls. “What does Father Mike give for anal sex?”

“As of last week,” says the altar boy, “two lollipops and a soda.”

Michael Cappello
Arcadia, CA

Q: What’s the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?

A: A screwdriver turns in screws, and Clinton screws interns!

Did you hear about the blonde who was so stupid she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center?

A recently-married man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him….

Clerk: Hey, how did the wedding go?
Man: Well, we got married.
Clerk: That’s good!
Man: No, that’s bad. I wasn’t wearing any clothes.
Clerk: Oh that is bad!
Man: No, that’s good — she didn’t care and she’s rich.
Clerk: Oh, that is good.
Man: No, that’s bad. She won’t give me any or spend any of it.
Clerk: Oh, that’s bad.
Man: No, that’s good: She bought a house.
Clerk: Oh, that’s good
Man: No, that’s bad — it burned down.
Clerk: Oh that is bad.
Man: No that’s good — she was in it!

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ”I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

The husband says, ”WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them.

Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ”But you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let’s get it.”

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says ”Okay, I’m ready, let’s go to the cash register.”
The husband says, ”No – no – no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff.”

The wife’s face goes blank. ”No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, ”These sleepovers are killing me!”