Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d want to have with dinner

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you next month.

A couple is on their honeymoon and the new bride tells her husband to be gentle because she is a virgin. Shocked, the groom says, “but you’ve been married three times before.”

“Yeah,” she says, “but my first husband was a psychologist and only wanted to talk about it, my second husband was a gynecologist and only wanted to look at it, and my third husband was a stamp collector and only wanted to…God, I miss him.”

After a moment of silence, she then turns to her newest husband and says, “And since you’re an attorney I know I’m going to get fucked.”

Bob
Erie, PA

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a “Ye-e-e-e ha-a-a-a” so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final “Ye-e-e-e ha-a-a-a!” and rode off.

“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service-station attendant.

“Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off,” the woman answered.

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians ride bareback.”

Skip Griffin
Propect, CT

Once a madman said, “Do you know there is a war going on between India and Bharat?

Another madman said, “Why should we worry, we live in Hindustan.”

Q: What do they call pall bearers in Oklahoma?

A: Carry-Oakies

Q. How is sex like bridge?

A.If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand!

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn’t work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn’t follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we’ll give him one more try. We’ll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly, we’re taking him back to the store!”

You’re so poor that when I came to your house and asked to use the washroom, you handed me a shovel and pointed me toward the back door.

A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see’s a sign that says: “Win a pot of gold if you can make the donkey laugh.”

The leprechaun decided to go for it, and he succeed in making the donkey laugh. So he goes to the bartender and asks for his pot of gold. The bartender says, “Ok, but first you have to tell us how you did it.”

The leprechaun says, “I can’t tell you, it’s a leprechaun secret.”

So the bartender says, “Then I can’t give you the pot of gold.” The leprechaun gets very angry and walks off.

He comes back the next day and sees a sign that says: “Win a pot of gold if you can make the donkey cry.” So he trys it, and he makes the donkey cry.

He goes up to the bartender and asks for his pot of gold. But the bar attendant tells him, “First you have to tell me how you did it.

So the leprechaun says, “Alright, yesterday I told him I told him that I have a bigger penis then him, and today I showed him.”