Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What’s the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you “the People.” We’ll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?
Son: I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

A: About three pounds, including the urn.

Why did God invent shopping carts?

To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

Senior citizens are riddled with AIDS!

…hearing aids, Band-Aids, Rolaids, walking aids, government aid.

THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST.

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality was that he had three balls. He thought it to be a reproductive abnormality so he wanted to consult a doctor. But he was a little hesitant to present his situation to the doctor. So he tried to explain it to him indirectly. He said, ”Doctor ,if you combine your and my balls, then the result will be five!” The doctor was amazed to hear that. He stood up and asked the patient, ”You poor guy, have you got only one?”

What Do You Call A Monkey In The Lost Desert?

………………..Scewed

A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only Saran Wrap. The guy askes the doctor, ”What do you think is wrong with me?”

The doctor replied,”I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

Down in a Hole

A rabbit running through the forest stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint. The rabbit says, “Don’t do that. Come running with me. It’s much more fun!” The deer takes off with the rabbit.

They come across an elephant doing coke. “Come running with us, elephant,” says the rabbit. “You’ll feel so good!” The elephant decides to join in the fun.The animals encounter a lion about to shoot up. Before the rabbit can say anything, the lion knocks it unconscious.

The deer screams, “Lion, what are you doing? He’s trying to help us!”The lion answers, “The fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he takes Ecstasy!”

—Victor Siegel, Franklin, MA

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, barely able to see over the dashboard. While cruising along, they came to an intersection. The light was red, but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought for sure she’d seen the light turn red, but said nothing, for fear that she was imagining things.

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection in which the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light was red. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and the two went right through it. Finally, the passenger turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us.”

Mildred turned to her and replied, “Oh, shit! Am I driving?”

James Lui-Yee

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they’d be bagels!