Three Times a Maybe
Three old men are at a health institute for a memory test.

“What’s three times three?” the doctor asks the first old man.

“Two seventy-four,” he replies.

“What’s three times three?” the doctor asks the second old man.

“Tuesday,” he replies.

The doctor figures he’s in for a long morning. He turns to the third old man and asks, “OK, your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” he replies.

“Yes!” exclaims the doctor. “How did you get that?”

“Easy, Doc. I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

Nathan Hurly
San Diego, CA

A blonde goes into a library and says, “Hello. I’m here to see the doctor.”

The librarian replies, “This is a library.”

So the blonde lowers her voice and says, “Oh sorry!” Then whispers, “I’m here to see the doctor.”

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away,” the boy said. He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.
“A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands!”
“Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him.”

Why don’t you slip into something comfortable…like a coma.

I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president.

He said, “Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years.”

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed and she seemed rather bored.
“What do you wanna do now?” he asked.
“I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy.
“What else she would like to do?” he asked her.
“I wanna be weighed,” she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and decided to take the girl home. The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early.
“What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?”
“Absowutewy wousy,” said the girl.

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of exhaustion. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, thedoctor gets aroundto asking her how often she has intercourse.

“Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday,” she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

“I can’t,” says the woman. “That’s the only night I’mhome with myhusband.”

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

“Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?” The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out “352!” He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says “If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?”

I’m a blonde! I’m a blonde, yay!!! B-L-O…? I’m a blonde, yay!

There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said ‘TEA TIME!’