Q: Why don’t they let Minnesota women go out with Wisconsin guys?

A: Have you ever seen a gopher hole after a badger has been in it?

The Vise Squad

What’s Up, Doc?

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.

When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”

He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
—Kurt Benjamin, Honolulu, HI

Kill All That You Can Kill

“Shower With Men”

“Knock Up Foreign Broads”

“All The Grits You Can Eat”

“Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler”

“Purple Hearts = Free Beers At Hooters”

“Whimsical And Human, Just Like M*A*S*H”

“Cubicles Are For Wusses”

“Napalm Means Serious BBQ”

“Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!”

“Totally Beefcake and Proud of It”

“Beat Up Sailors”

“We Won”t Screw Your Mind Up As Bad As The Marines Will”

“Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942″

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Accessorize”

?Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!”

“Play Doom? For Real!”

“Sure Beats Lurnin”!”

“Because Terminators Are Real”

Yo Mama’so fat she was on Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake at the same time.

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am,” said the cop, “I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home,” responded the Amish lady.

“That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!” instructed the cop.

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.

“Well, dear, what exactly did he say?” asked Jacob.

“He said the reflector is broken,” replied the lady.

“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?” wondered Jacob.

“I’m not sure, Jacob… something about the emergency brake,” said the lady.

How can you tell the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow balls

Did you know that Rita McNeil has a tatoo of Canada on her butt?
Ya, every time she bends over Quebec seperates!

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”

Steve Reynolds
Georgetown, TX

What is the difference between yo’ mama and a winding road? The winding road has curves you can get used to!