When did Bill Clinton go to Victoria’s Secret?

When the panties were half off!

A young woman who had been mar

Children in the back of the car cause accidents.

Accidents in the back of the car cause children.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" 
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" 
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" 
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" 
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" 
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY" 
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" 
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED" 
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON" 
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" 
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" 
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" 
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" 
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" 
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After the nurse inserted the thermometer, she announced, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room. "What’s going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven’t. Not with a carnation anyway."

Yo mama is so dumb, when her radio batteries were dead, she buried them.

What is a blonde’s definition of a naval destroyer.

A hula hoop with a nail in it.

Doughboys
Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, “Hey, man, it’s getting pretty hot in here.”

“Holy shit!” the other muffin replies. “A talking muffin!”

Tim Ryan
Pittsburgh, PA

Loser Schmoozed Her

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. “You’re cute,” says the woman. “Do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sex?”

“You bet!” exclaims the hillbilly. “But I have to tell you, I’m a virgin. I’ve always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite.”

“Don’t worry,” the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. “Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?” she asks.

“How could you possibly have teeth down there?” he says.

“Look at the shape your gums are in!”

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.