What do you call a 12 year old girl from Louisiana who’s a virgin?

Faster than her brothers.

President Clinton opened doors for future presidents. Now not only will there be a First Lady and First Children, but also First Ho.

Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road?

He thought he saw the American flag, so he ran for his life.

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society…

    DIRECTRA — a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

    PROJECTRA — Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

    CHILDAGRA — Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks — especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.

    COMPLIMENTRA — In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

    BUYAGRA — Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be ascertained: Whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit.

    NEGA-VIAGRA — Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

    NEGA-SPORTAGRA — This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

    FLATULAGRA — This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

    FLYAGRA — This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

    PRYAGRA — About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

    LIAGRA — This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

Yo mama is so nasty, she went to the petting zoo and the animals made her wear gloves.

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are all true stories.

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby, walks into his regular bar. One of the other regulars, noticing his new clothes and brand new Harley Davidson asked him where he got it. Ed, with a big, proud smile on his face explained: “I was walking to the grocery store, when all of a sudden a girl rode up on this shining new Harley. She got off her bike, threw off all of her clothes and said ‘take what you want.’ So I did.”

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the head.

The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing happened.

The Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, “Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!”

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy.
“Before we put you to death,” said the enemy, “do you have any last requests?”
“Yes,” said the Alabaman. “Could you play ‘Yeah, Alabama’ before you shoot me?”
“Sure,” said the enemy. “How about you, Tennessean?”
“Could you shoot me before you play ‘Yeah, Alabama?’”

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, men will screw anything.