A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right “tools” she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

This time, quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice answered, “NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job.

“Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day,” the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn’t see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best.

She came back sweating like a pig. ”Christ, how many trees did you cut down?” asked the foreman.

”6” she replied.

”What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow.” The foreman said. So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted.

‘How many this time?” asked the foreman.

”12” she said.

The foreman says, ”That does it. I’m coming out there with you tommorow morning.”
The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, ”This is how to cut down trees really quickly.” He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically. So he asks her what’s wrong. She replies, ”What the hell is that?”’

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde work for a woman who always leaves the office early on Friday. One week the girls decide to duck out as well, once the coast is clear. The brunette goes shopping, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home…where she spies her boss having sex with her husband! She quietly sneaks out and returns several hours later.

On Monday morning, the girls all gather around the water cooler to chat. “Leaving early last Friday was great,” says the brunette. “We should do it again this week.”

“Totally,” agrees the redhead.

“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”

Brian Jones
via e-mail

A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, “How long are your flights from America to England?”

The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…”

The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.

A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced Cappuccino.

”Do you want it hot or cold?”

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, “This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it.”

The librarian says to the other librarian, “So here is the person who took our phone book!”

Q: Why did the blonde sell her television?

A: To buy a VCR!

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. ”I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, ”we don’t have any.”

”But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

”Do you have the container it comes in?”

”Yes!” says the blonde, ”I will go and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, ”This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: ”To apply, push up bottom.”

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, ”Before we order could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly.” The blonde leaned over and said ”Burrrrrrr Gurrrrrr Kingggg.”

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. The guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this year but she could take helicopter lessons. The blonde agreed and the man taught her and said, “I’ll radio you every 1000 feet you go in the air.” The blonde agreed.

He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. But right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and she started twirling to the ground. When she landed, he went over to pull her out of the helicopter. He asked her what went wrong because she was doing perfect before. The blonde said, ”At 2500 feet, I started to get cold so I turned the big fan off.”