Blonde Minivan Tragedy
Four blondes are driving in a minivan when it goes over a cliff. The tragedy is, the minivan could’ve held eight blondes.
Archive for Blonde
Air Mattress
Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other?
A: An air mattress.
A blonde wanted to go ice fish
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right “tools” she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
This time, quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”
The voice answered, “NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”
Blonde lumberjack
This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job.
“Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day,” the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn’t see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best.
She came back sweating like a pig. ”Christ, how many trees did you cut down?” asked the foreman.
”6” she replied.
”What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow.” The foreman said. So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted.
‘How many this time?” asked the foreman.
”12” she said.
The foreman says, ”That does it. I’m coming out there with you tommorow morning.”
The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, ”This is how to cut down trees really quickly.” He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically. So he asks her what’s wrong. She replies, ”What the hell is that?”’
A brunette, a redhead, and a
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde work for a woman who always leaves the office early on Friday. One week the girls decide to duck out as well, once the coast is clear. The brunette goes shopping, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home…where she spies her boss having sex with her husband! She quietly sneaks out and returns several hours later.
On Monday morning, the girls all gather around the water cooler to chat. “Leaving early last Friday was great,” says the brunette. “We should do it again this week.”
“Totally,” agrees the redhead.
“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”
Brian Jones
via e-mail
Blondes and Airplanes
A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, “How long are your flights from America to England?”
The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…”
The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.
Blonde at Starbucks
A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced Cappuccino.
”Do you want it hot or cold?”
A Blonde Goes to the Library?
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, “This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it.”
The librarian says to the other librarian, “So here is the person who took our phone book!”
The Blonde and the Deodorant
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. ”I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, ”we don’t have any.”
”But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
”Do you have the container it comes in?”
”Yes!” says the blonde, ”I will go and get it.”
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, ”This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: ”To apply, push up bottom.”