Yo’ mama so stank, even the couch gets up when she sits down!

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and orders a cheeseburger.

“But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove.” The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.

“Waiter!” the hippie says after a little bit. “Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove.” More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates pissing in the tea, but doesn”t.

“Waiter!” the hippies says a little later. “Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove.”

“Wait,” said the waiter. “I have another idea. How ”bout you kiss my ass? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove.”

Your chest is so flat, the walls are getting jealous.

What’s the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

What’s the difference between you and a prostitute? The prostitute gets paid.

Your Daddy’s head so big he had to get baptized in the Pacific Ocean.

Why don’t you say that to my face?
“Turn around.”

Scene: Suburban home, living room. Post-quarrel.
Wife: You know, I was a fool when I married.
Husband: Yes, dear. But I was in love and didn’t notice.

Your fart’s so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!

Your family is so poor, when they went to the park the pigeons threw bread at them.