Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen?

People were confused about which side to spit on

A little boy wanted to be Bill Clinton for Halloween, but he couldn’t get door-to-door with his pants around his ankles.

Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side of the lake and Bush on the other. Later that day, Bush came back with 129 fish and Gore came back with none.

Gore screamed for a revote.

The next day bush came back with 173 fish and Gore once again screamed for a revote.

So on the third day, Gore sent a secret service to spy on Bush. Bush came back with 293 fish this time and gore got none. Gore goes to the secret service spy and asks whether Bush is cheating.

“Yes,” replied the spy, “he’s putting holes in the ice.”

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to the pearly gates.

There, he was greeted by George Washington.

“How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry came up from behind. “You wanted to end America’s liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punched Osama in the nose.

James Madison came next, and said, “This is why I allowed the government provide for the common defense!” He took a sledge hammer and whacked Osama’s knees.

Osama was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, and 65 other people who had the same love for liberty and America. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged.

As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed, “This is not what I was promised!”

An angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”

Thousands of people flock to the annual Burning Man festival in The Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada.

At this big hippie festival, people run around naked, drink and do drugs, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for President.

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood, and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win? Dan Quayle. He’s the only one who knows that harass is one word.

How do you stop a Taliban tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it!

1. Always looks like he’s pledging allegiance.
2. His cholesterol level is directly proportional to the National Debt.
3. He owns a signed copy of Ted Kennedy’s “Joy of Grease.”
4. He can only donate blood to people with Type Nacho Cheese.
5. After years of eating intravenously, he can make his arm burp.
6. According to his EKG, his heartbeat has the same rate as a strobe light.
7. Number one supporter is the Grim Reaper.
8. During the Persian Gulf War he arrived in Kuwait with a spoon and bib, eagerly awaiting “Operation Dessert Storm.”
9. After every press conference there’s a man standing over his body saying, “Clear!”
10. Let’s face it: He’s a politician.

Bill Clinton broke the 11th commandment. ”Thou shalt not use thy rod on thy Staff”

Question – What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

Answer – A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Question – What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?

Answer – A competent liberal President.

Question – Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having sex?

Answer – Mace.

Question – Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer – Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he’d been and did it all on borrowed money.

Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap, and they are protected by the government.