Two potatoes are walking down the street. One of them is a prostitute. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

It’s the one that says ‘I-Da-Ho.’

What do guys and ceramic tiles have in common?

Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for the rest of your life!

What do you say to a football player in an Armani suit?

“Will the defendant please rise…”

What’s the difference between you and a prostitute? The prostitute gets paid.

How do you stop a skunk from smelling?

You hold his nose!

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She sticks it in the microwave.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?

Bacon and legs!

How do you know when a blondes been having a bad day?

Shes got a tampon behind her ear, and she’s lookin 4 her pencil.

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, barely able to see over the dashboard. While cruising along, they came to an intersection. The light was red, but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought for sure she’d seen the light turn red, but said nothing, for fear that she was imagining things.

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection in which the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light was red. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and the two went right through it. Finally, the passenger turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us.”

Mildred turned to her and replied, “Oh, shit! Am I driving?”

James Lui-Yee

You’re so dumb yo put a quater in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.