Two Cajun fishermen, Brock and Charley, take off fishing in the Gulf of Mexico for a couple of months.
Upon their return, they notice a Taco Bell has been built near the dock.
Brock turns to Charley and says, “Well, look at that! Them Mexicans already done come over here and built a telephone company.”
Yo mama is so ugly, she stuck her face in cookie dough and made gorilla cookies.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to crack the shells on the M&Ms.
The Kindness of Strangers
A man and a woman who have never met before are assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a transcontinental train. After some initial awkwardness, they settle into their respective berths for the night.
In the middle of the night, the man leans over, wakes up the woman, and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?”
The woman leans out and says with a grin, “I have a better idea. Just for tonight let’s pretend we’re married.”
“You mean…”
“Yep, get your own damn blanket!”
Nick Harold
Miami, FL
Teacher to student: Arnold what is the most popular answer to the teacher’s questions?
Arnold: I don’t know ma’am.
Teacher: ”Correct!”’
A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair of headphones. The hairdresser tried to get her to take them off, but the blonde protested.
“You can’t take those away from me — I’ll die without them!”
The hairdresser sighed, and tried to explain how difficult it would be to cut her hair with them on, but the blonde wouldn’t budge. So she began cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde feel asleep, and the hairdresser figured she could remove the headphones for a few minutes. But shortly thereafter, the blonde collapsed, dead on the floor. The hairdresser, confused, picked up the headphones, which were repeating “Breathe In, Breathe Out.”
Did you hear about the lady at Wal-Mart that was trying on a Dale Earnhardt T-shirt?
She hit the wall three times before she got it off!
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, it did some astronaut training near a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?” A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. They then took the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the message said, “Watch out for these guys. They have come to steal your land.”
A southern girl returned home after a summer with her grandparents in Ohio. Her friends asked her what she learned on her trip.
“Well, they have these men up there who like other men.”
“Ooh. What are they called?”
“They call them gay.”
“What else did you learn?”
“Well, they have these women who like other women.”
“Ooh. What are they called?”
“They call them lesbians.”
“Did you learn anything else?”
“Yes. They have these men who lick women in their most private parts.”
“Ooh. What do they call them?”
“I don’t know, but when he was done, I called him ‘Precious.’”