One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn”t eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn”t sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks; and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.

So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn”t eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!

Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?

Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.

What do you call the moisture between two people having sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
2. You have used your light saber to open and cook a can of pork and beans.
3. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer-colored.
5. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
6. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
7. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.
8. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
9. You think that the Stormtrooper Elite Guards are just KKK members with really good sheets.
10. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
11. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.
12. Your master has said, ”My finger you will pull..hmmm?”
13. You have had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
14. You have lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
15. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
16. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
17. You have used The Force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
18. You have used The Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
19. You have used a light saber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
20. Your father told you, ”Shoot, son come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
21. You’ve had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to light a bar-b-que.

You might be a redneck if you consider the fifth grade your senior year!

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.

You might be a redneck if you think fly swatting is a national sport.

You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money.

Native Son

On the first day of kindergarten, the teacher asks each student to count to 50. Some count as high as 30 or 40; others can’t get past 20. But Johnny counts up to 100 without any mistakes. When he tells his dad how well he did, his dad says, "That’s because you’re from Alabama, son."

The next day, the teacher asks the students to recite the alphabet. Most can only make it halfway through without trouble, but Johnny rattles off the letters perfectly. When he brags to his dad about how he did, his dad explains again, "That’s because you’re from Alabama, son."

The next day, after phys ed, the boys are taking showers,and Johnny notices that he is better endowed than anyone else. That night he boasts, "Dad, mine’s the biggest of anyone in my class. Is it because I’m from Alabama?"

"No, son," explains his dad. "That’s because you’re 22."

Q: Why do rednecks’ dogs have flat noses?

A: From chasing parked cars…