You might be a redneck if you think “wind sprints” means running from a fart.

Bubba died in a fire, and his body was burned severely. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.

Daryl went in, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought that was rather strange, and brought in Gomer next to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over, and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”

“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.

“Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.’”

James Lui-Lee

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem!

How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?

There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

“Gerhard Reinke’s
INTERNATIONAL GUIDE TO IMPORTANT QUESTIONS NOT TO ASK*

IRELAND
?Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it??

FRANCE
?Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren?t the French just Germans who can make sauces??

ITALY
?Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ?

POLAND
?Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs??

GERMANY
?Is this bratwurst kosher??

TURKEY
?Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to slaughter Kurds though, right??

KOREA
?Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him??

CHINA
?This wall isn?t so great.?

ENGLAND
?Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick??

SWEDEN
?Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke??

YEMEN
?Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean ?Land Of Fanatics And Desert???

INDIA
?You don?t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here??

ETHIOPIA
?After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey ? those flies sure love your newborn!?

CANADA
?You?re like Americans without money.?

SPAIN
’so, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos??

SOUTH AFRICA
?I liked it better the other way.?

MEXICO
?Cancun is nice, but the rest of this third world country sucks!?

SAUDI ARABIA
?Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what??

RUSSIA
?Is it always this cold and economically devastated??

UZBEKISTAN
?Can you spell Uzbekistan??

GREECE
?I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy. Anyone ever tell you that you resemble a Turk??

AFGHANISTAN
’seriously, where is the real country? where is everything??

JAPAN
?What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi??

AUSTRALIA
?How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure??

AMERICA
?You mean, you?re all not loud, stupid, and fat??

*These questions should not be shouted in English.

Check out Gerhard Reinke’s WANDERLUST, Saturdays @ 11:30 PM 9 C on Comedy Central. “

A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, “Please be gentle with me. I’m a virgin.”

The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.

His father comforts him by saying, “Now, now. It’ll be okay, son. If she wasn’t good enough for her own family, then she isn’t good enough for ours.”

What are a typical redneck’s three last words?

“Hey, watch this! “

You might be a redneck if you can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it!

If your wife says ”Come move this trasmission so I can take a bath.”… you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!”