Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the woman you were with?”

“Sure and I can’t be tellin’ ya, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Tommy,” says the priest, “I’m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O’Malley?”

“I cannot say,” says Tommy.

“Was it Patricia Kelly?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Liz Shannon?”

“I’m sorry, but I’ll not name her.”

“Was it Cathy Morgan?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Fiona McDonald, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now.”

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Five good leads!” says Tommy.

Rob Taylor
Rockville, MD

Two nuns are on a break in the rectory.

“I was cleaning Father Tom’s room a few days ago,” gossips the first nun, “and I found a bunch of condoms.”

“Oh, my,” gasps the second nun. “What did you do?”

“I poked holes in them,” she replies.

“Fuck!” says the second nun.

Bryan Connell
via e-mail