One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob, “If we don”t get support soon, people will think we are nuts!”

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn’t hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he’s a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird.

“So you’re the new stud in town? I bet you really think you’re hot stuff don’t you? Well I’m not ready for the chopping block yet. I’ll bet I’m still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We’ll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself.”

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy.

“You’re on,” he said, “and since I’m so great, I’ll even give you a head start of half a lap. I’ll still win easy!”

So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead.

After the second lap, the old guy’s lead has slipped a little — but he’s still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster’s lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he’s just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

“Damn. That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month.”

Q: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After 10 years, the job still sucks….

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night, the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see-through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back upstairs and “dress decent”.

”No, I want to show off my rosebuds!” she said and bounded out the door. The next day, the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing a see-through blouse without a bra.

”Grandmother! What are you doing? A couple of other friends are coming over any time now! Please go change your blouse, I’m so embarrassed!”

”No. If you can show off them rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets.”

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you next month.

Did you hear about the guy with five penises?

His pants fit like a glove.

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers and take ‘em out for a night on the town. After cocktails and gambling, they all head back to their hotel room at the MGM Grand.

However, the night doesn’t quite turn out as planned. Since he’s had too much to drink, one of the midgets can’t get it up at all, and, to make matters worse, he has to listen to the other one say “1, 2, 3, huh,” over and over again, all night. The next morning, the first midget is complaining.

“Man, did that suck. I was soft all night.”

“You think that’s bad,” said the other midget. “I couldn’t even get onto the bed.”

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

“Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to believe in!”

What’s the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac, and a sorority sister?

The hooker says, ”Are you done already?”
The nympho says, ”Oh no! You’re not done already!?”
The sorority sister says, ”Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I CAN’T DO IT!”

In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, “How did it go?” The first one answers. “It was embarrassing. I simply couldn”t do it.”

The second hobbit shook his head. “Manhood problems, eh?”

“No. I couldnt get on the bed!”