A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husbandmissing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, shecould hear a muffled sound downstairs.

She went downstairs and looked all around, still not findingher husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched inthe corner and facing the wall crying.

She asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” He replied: “Rememberwhen your father caught us together, when you were 16?”

“Remember,” he said, “I had a choice: I could either marry you,or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years.”

Baffled, she said, “Yes.”

The husband bawled, “I would have gotten out of prison today.”

A man goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of Pepsi, a bag of tortilla chips, and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"

Sarcastically the guy sneers, "How’d you guess?"

She replies, "Because you’re fucking ugly."

Trade Negotiations

President Clinton arrives in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane, carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the marine guard salutes him sharply. Clinton smiles and says, “I’d like to salute back, son, but as you can see, my hands are full.”

“Yes, sir!“ says the marine.“Mighty fine pigs, sir!”

Clinton replies, “These aren’t just ordinary pigs, son; they’re pure Arkansas razorbacks.”

“Yes, sir!“ says the marine. “Mighty fine razorbacks, sir!”

Clinton says, “I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.“

“Yes, sir!” the marine says again. “Good trade, sir!”

Q: What do fat girls and motor scooters have in common?

A: They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out!

Morgan P.
Hinton, OK

Q: Why do fat chicks give better blowjobs?

A: Because they have to.

Shakib O.
Danbury, CT