1. Always looks like he’s pledging allegiance.
2. His cholesterol level is directly proportional to the National Debt.
3. He owns a signed copy of Ted Kennedy’s “Joy of Grease.”
4. He can only donate blood to people with Type Nacho Cheese.
5. After years of eating intravenously, he can make his arm burp.
6. According to his EKG, his heartbeat has the same rate as a strobe light.
7. Number one supporter is the Grim Reaper.
8. During the Persian Gulf War he arrived in Kuwait with a spoon and bib, eagerly awaiting “Operation Dessert Storm.”
9. After every press conference there’s a man standing over his body saying, “Clear!”
10. Let’s face it: He’s a politician.

Two sperm are walking down the street. How do you know which one is happy?

It’s the one with egg on its face!

Why do they put guys in road construction?

So girls get the chance to whistle at guys on the streets.

Bill Clinton broke the 11th commandment. ”Thou shalt not use thy rod on thy Staff”

Two blondes walk into a building.

You would figure one of them would have seen it.

A deaf-mute strolls into a pha

You might be a redneck if you think “wind sprints” means running from a fart.

A young priest was visting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn’t have any soap. He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him. He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue. When the nuns came to him, one said, ”Look! A new soap dispenser!” Another said, ”How you get the soap?” So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ”Look! I got a bar of soap!” said the nun. The second nun pulled on his dick.

”Look! I got liquid soap!”

What do Mike Tyson and a Metallica concert have in common?

At a Metallica concert you get ringing in the ears, and at a Mike Tyson fight, you get ears in the ring!

What do you call a gay guy on an airplane?

A fruit fly.